Saturday, September 19, 2009

Been Neglecting

I guess it's been a while since I last posted to my blog, though this is more of laziness than anything else. It's not that I've been any busier than I use to be, or that I have had more going on, it's just, I don't know. Each passing day I find it harder and harder to care about things that, a year ago I cared deeply about. My love of gaming and anime have almost completely disappeared, and I tend to spend my time alone more often then is probably healthy, though, who would I spend time with? Kira, one of my friends in Orlando, tend to be too busy with school and about a dozen theater projects, Gina lives in Maleborne now since she started at FIT about 2 years ago, Aaron now only calls me when he needs his computer fixed. And I have never been adept at making new friends... Am I such a horrible person that the people I know wish to spend no time with me?

School's not going any better. I'm currently on Academic Probation after last semester, and each day sees my will to succeed go lower. It's not that I don't like learning, just, College is designed in a way that is currently costly, uninspiring, and, well, sometimes, unneeded. I doubt I'd ever amount to anything that would need a college education, so why am I here? Though, I guess the uninspiring part is my fault. I mean, people who go on to college should be self driven. I was back at MCC, but now... It's just, I don't see much point in it all. Hell, most days I don't see any point in rising from my bed.

Maybe everyone hates me because I'm too depressing, or maybe because I'm too useless...

On the plus side, I've been reading a lot. Been reading tons of fiction books, and one of these days, I'll write something worth reading... maybe... assuming I don't do something stupid first. But, I own so many books now, it would be a shame not to read them all. I may not be able to find a boy who is actually interested in me, but at least I have books to read... Ya, I know, two completely unrelated things, but it's 1:30 in the morning here, so I should be allowed to be incoherent.

Anyway, I have work tomorrow morning (that's right, a blog post where I don't complain about my job), so ~night!

Friday, February 27, 2009

What a glorius thing

Can't talk, Megacon is this weekend. After I get done typing this up (and a shower) I'm hitting the con. I'll give more information when I get back.

Also, I got replacement vehicle. It's a red Volvo 2000, and it was the only vehicle in my price range that wasn't leaking oil or had something horribly wrong. Given that, after tax, tag, and title it set me back 5,000, and my insurance payout on my Volkswagen was 6,000, I'm ok with it. Had it checked out at a tires plus, and the only thing it needs done is a break job. Though, truthfully, I'm also spending some of the insurance money on much needed Megacon things... =).

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Car Accidents Suck

Monday was not a good day. Well, it didn't start off as a bad day, but when I was driving to work, a guy turned in front of me, and, well, a crash happened. The other guy got the ticket for violating my right of way, but that doesn't make it any better. The insurance adjuster took a look at my car yesterday and pronounced it totaled. And I was just getting use to my vehicle. I mean, I was starting to like that car... I had spent 12,000 miles in it. It was MY car. It drove the way I liked driving it. I could listen to my Zune in it through the auxiliary audio cable. It got decent mileage... and now it's gone. Sure, I'm getting an insurance payment/check thing to replace it, but I'll have to get reattached to some other vehicle. It probably won't be greenish blue, not that the color matters or anything, but still. I mean, my old car wasn't anything more than a beat up station wagon, but still. It was like a friend. It was something I depended upon to get me from point A to point B. It was a place I could go to when I wanted to be alone and let the world fade away from me.

And then there is the other reason I'm down about it. I only had it for 5 months. My first vehicle. Gone in 5 months. Now, I have been driving for years, but those cars/trucks/things were all under my parents' name. This was under my name. And it's gone. In 5 months. FIVE months... I can't even be trusted to take care of something for five freaking months before I get it destroyed. How sad is that? Maybe the car would still be operational if someone else had bought it. I mean, it was a used car though, but I mean... I don't know. Anyway, if I don't beat myself over stuff, then who will?

Megacon is at the end of this month. Going to be buying my ticket at the end of this month. Now, granted, I've been saving up for it for the last 5 weeks, but I still feel guilty for going, espically after the accident. I probably won't have much money for the dealer room when I get there, but hopefully I'll be able to pick up a new anime for my shelf. Not that I've watched the ones I currently have. And not like I have much in the way of transportation to the convention...

Though, truthfully, I do have a loaner car. My boss at my job up here in Orlando has been working on a 1989 buick for the last couple of years, and has lent me the car until I can get a replacement for the one I've just got destroyed. It runs pretty smoothly, but when you turn the AC on it spits dirt at you, and the speedometer and the odometer don't function. Still, it's better than walking everywhere I go. I am pretty grateful he's lending it to me. Also, my boss was the one who picked me up after the accident. I may not like driving out to the job, but my boss is a good person. And if I had to have anyone as a boss, he'd be near the top of people I'd want.

The bulk of my tests are going to be the first week of March, so I guess I need to start studying. I'll try to post again later in the week. Aiming for at least 24 blog posts this year, though judging by how many I currently have, I don't know if I'll make it. So ~Night!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

First Post of 09

Well... this is the first post of 09. I didn't really make any New Year resolutions... well... except maybe find a boyfriend. But since I've been kind of trying to do that for the last year, well, I don't know how well that's going to go.

I'm also trying to do better in school, I guess, though this semester I'm only taking 3 classes (largely due to any of the classes I need being already scheduled.) The three classes I'm taking are Introduction to Thermodynamics, Electromagnetic Wave Propagation, and Digital Systems. Out of those classes, the Electromagnetic one is considered an elective, and the Digital Systems class is pretty easy (up until last semester, the class I took last semester, System Datapaths I think it was called, had Digital Systems as the Prereq. The teacher taught it as if everyone had already taken Digital Systems). Still, the math in two of my classes are going to be hard, and I need to spend more time studying and doing homework then I am currently doing. Hopefully I will... I'm at least taking better notes and reading over my previous notes.

I've started running along the circumference of UCF at night... Well, not so much running the entirety as running a portion, walking, then running again then walking. I'm hoping getting more exercise will help me to keep focus and maybe help me get a boyfriend, but that could just be crazy thinking on my part.

Anyway, just wanted to type up a "Hello, I'm still alive!" page...

Oh, over winter break I had an idea for an MMO. It would be a space based MMO that handled skills in a manner similar to oblivion, though without the levels... It would focus on about 3 factions, faction based PvP, but the cool thing would be the business model. Instead of a 15 a month fee, it would be free to play, though for 5 a month you'd get access to crafting abilities, a different 5 would give you access to truly lawless space, another 5 would give a capital ships license, and the final 5 maybe something like an Exotic Weapons license or something. And, instead of paying 20 a month, there'd be a option for all 4 licenses for 15 a month... that way, if someone wants to try out a game, or come back in after a break, they could hop right in... and if you had a PvPer or something with no interests in crafting, they could only pay for the parts of the game they'd use... Ya, I know it's all crazy, and I know I probably shouldn't be posting it on this blog... in public, but I think it is a good ides... but maybe I'm crazy... or, more exactly, I am crazy...

Anyway, ~Night!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Finals Week 08

Well, it's finals week. I have my first two exams tomorrow, and my third one on Thursday. I know I'm pretty much screwed on my Semiconductor's class, but I should be able to pull off a good grade on my statics test (assuming I do some more studying). My computer Organization class isn't till Thursday, which means my free time on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning will be spent studying for that exam... at least, I'll try to be doing that.

Though, part of tomorrow afternoon I'm going to be doing some Christmas shopping with Kira. She doesn't actually need to do any more Christmas shopping, but she's still willing to keep me company. Since I don't have a lot of funds at this moment (33 to last me till whenever I get my next paycheck from my job up here in Orlando. My boss is normally good at paying me on time, but there have been more than a few instances where I got 3 weeks worth of pay at once... due to lack of pay in previous weeks), I'm just going to focus on getting some gifts for the people up here, since for my family and for the bulk of my friends, I'll be able to give them their gifts on Christmas day, or very close to then.

Ok, the real reason I'm writing this is because I really don't want to study. Everytime I study, I'm able to do 3 to 5 problems with out... well... problem, but then I hit a question that I can't solve, that causes me to bang my head against the wall in frustration until I want to throw my book into the nearest wall. After that, I kind of feel kind of stupid. And I don't do anymore studying for the evening. That hasn't happened yet, but... I don't know. A part of is under the crazy impression that, by somehow not studying, the test won't come. I know it's madness. I know it makes as much sense as some of the urban fantasy books I read do (speaking of which, if you haven't read any of the Harry Dresden books by Jim Butcher, you're missing out), but... I never said (or gave the impression) that I'm sane. Of course, another part of me feels growing dread and apprehension at the prospects of the oncoming tests. And the best solution my mind has for that type of anxiety isn't a healthy solution... Though I haven't done anything remotely like that for... 2 weeks? I think. Time blurs together way too much.

Of course, I also quit EvE 2 weeks ago, so maybe that was contributing to everything as well. I know I haven't really gotten more social, and I haven't been looking to find a solution to my lack of boyfriend problem. Or maybe it's the extra lamp I put in my room (I like light... being inside with out light is bad. Being outside with artificial light is also bad though.)Or maybe I'm on the verge of some sort of breakdown. I don't really know.

Anyway, I need to get back to studying... so ~Night

Monday, December 01, 2008

Post Thanksgiving Thing

Well... it's the Monday after Thanksgiving... I spent the day itself largely with family, so I guess I had a good Thanksgiving. I mean, at least I have family to spend it with. Though, we did what we did last year for the holiday, we hit Busch Gardens in Tampa. They have a restaurant there my parents like, though we save it for special occasions. Then we spent the rest of the day seeing the various attraction things, like their animal area thing and their hospitality house (ie, free beer place). Since I'm over 21 and don't drink, I donated my free beer to my parents.

I decided to go for broke on Black Friday. I spent my paycheck getting some Christmas gifts for my family. By family I mean my parents, since my check plus an oil change on my vehicle didn't hold out much farther than that. I got my father a 3 books, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume 1 and The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume 2 by Sir Author Cannon Doyle. I know he wanted to read the Dorian Gray book, and I want to read it as well (I did buy 2 copies of it. I try not to borrow other peoples Christmas gifts), but I'm not too sure about the Sherlock Holmes books. Still, I know he hasn't read them yet, so I don't see why he wouldn't like them... As for my Mom, I got her another year's subscription to Norton Anti-Virus. She gets a little paranoid about her machine, but she doesn't really know too much about it, and she's always afraid she'll break it somehow. I'll probably end up installing/placing in the renewal code for her as well. For my sisters, well, I know what to get one of them. She lost her DS charger, so I'm going to pick her up a replacement one for Christmas. For the other... well... I don't know yet.

As for my friends... haven't given it a lot of thought yet... I know I'm getting Kira (a friend in Orlando) a gift card to a clothing shop. Not because I think she needs or wants more clothes, but because I want more clothes and I don't want to go shopping by myself =P. I'm going to probably put it in one of those children's books. You know the type, the overly think, almost cardboard pages. I'm doing it like that because, every time we're in a book store, she gets distracted by them. Aaron said he didn't want anything for Christmas, but I'll probably get him some Wii or Xbox live points. Like 5 dollar's worth or something.

I've found a few new bands since I dropped my EvE subscription and picked up the Zune subscription. The first one is Savatage. They're an 80's rock band that eventually turns into Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The best thing about them is they're from Florida (Tarpon Springs to be exact), so I've been listening to them a lot. After Forever seems like a good band. Just downloaded them today though, so I've only had one listen so far. Still... they sound kind of like Old Nightwish, at least, their self titled album, After Forever does. The other ones for this band (at least, the other ones I saw) weren't available for download with the Zune subscription, they were purchase only. Finally, I found a band called Kittie. They're an all female metal band out of Canada... kind of sounds like a less technical Arch Enemy.

Hopefully, I'm getting less emoish, but... I... a part of me says no... If I can pull through the Winter I should be ok. And if I can't, well, at least there will be one less whiny blog out there. Anyway, I'm going to call it a night... ~Night!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Docking Up

I'm not going to be renewing my EvE subscription come December. I'm not really enjoying it as much as I use to, and I think I need a break. Also, last month I was kind of using it as a way to escape reality, and that's probably not healthy. Though, to be fair, the other way I escape isn't too healthy either. I still need some sort of entertainment though (ok, maybe I don't, but that's not the point) so I'll start a subscription with the Zune service. I want to find some new music, and since I spend more time in my car then I do at my computer, well, plugging my Zune into my tape deck while I drive from Orlando to Manatee County will make it more enjoyable.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but Will was down from Iraq for about 3 weeks. I only got to see him Halloween night =(. But then, he and I aren't as close as we use to be back before he joined the military. And it doesn't help when he's down, he's back in my hometown. With out a car. And where he lives, and where my parents are, are about an hour away (his parents live near the beach. It's only 14 miles from my parents' place, but the cops near the beach aren't friendly, and will pull you over if you're going 1 mile over in a 25).

Another reason for me taking a break, I guess, is to try to make myself more social. I mean, I never canceled anything in real life to do something online, but I've never really went out of my way to do stuff in real life, well, stuff outside of attend the occasional club meeting or something (I am a member of Metal Club, and our president is a woman as well). Maybe if I get more social, and see if I can't do more things with more people, maybe that might help me. Or maybe I'm just speaking crazy talk, and I'll end up curled on my bed because I have very few friends...

Anyway, I'm going to go grab some food, so ~Night.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Promised Post

Yes, here's my updated post...

I've been feeling up and down... with a lot more lows than highs. I have almost stopped caring about school, though I still at least attend classes. Well, I have withdrawn from one of my classes... It was my electrical networks class.... Well... not networks, systems. It's not that I don't see a point or purpose in school... I just can't see how one relates to me per se... ok, maybe that's not quite right either. It's just... I feel like there's no escape from my current jobs. Not that they're bad jobs, but, just... I've already reached the amount of schooling I need for them... and, well, a part of me believes that, no matter what I do, I'm going to be stuck at these jobs until the day I die. And, well... sometimes I want that day to be closer than other days.

The other reason I've lost a good deal amount of interest in my course work is, I have very little idea in some of my classes what's going on. That was the primary reason I dropped electrical systems, and although I kind of grasp some of the stuff in my Semiconductor's class, but the math just escapes me. I thought I'd never need Quantum Physics and Chemistry for Computer Engineering. I never thought I'd be so totally wrong. Maybe I should just start thinking about switching to computer sci... at least there'd be more programming.

Starting to get a little back into Wiccan and the occult and that type of stuff... Picked up a Tarot deck on Friday. In the very least, it has really pretty artwork, though it's kind of hard to find a deck that isn't either in bright pastels or way too gothy. Still, I picked up a fantasy deck, and I like the way everything is shown in it... Now all I need to do is find my old books on the Subject from highschool/early college and I should be set on using it...

Also, I picked up "My Japanese Coach" for the DS. That game is pretty cool. Well... not so much a game as it's a learning experience thing, but still, it's a nice addition to my game catalog.

Anyway, I'm going to log... ~Night

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Only Partly Crazy

Well... I'm still alive. Halloween was fairly boring this year... Though I did get to see Will, so that was kind of cool. Still...

Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep. I'll give a longer post tomorrow... maybe. ~Night.