Finals Week 08

Well, it's finals week. I have my first two exams tomorrow, and my third one on Thursday. I know I'm pretty much screwed on my Semiconductor's class, but I should be able to pull off a good grade on my statics test (assuming I do some more studying). My computer Organization class isn't till Thursday, which means my free time on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning will be spent studying for that exam... at least, I'll try to be doing that.

Though, part of tomorrow afternoon I'm going to be doing some Christmas shopping with Kira. She doesn't actually need to do any more Christmas shopping, but she's still willing to keep me company. Since I don't have a lot of funds at this moment (33 to last me till whenever I get my next paycheck from my job up here in Orlando. My boss is normally good at paying me on time, but there have been more than a few instances where I got 3 weeks worth of pay at once... due to lack of pay in previous weeks), I'm just going to focus on getting some gifts for the people up here, since for my family and for the bulk of my friends, I'll be able to give them their gifts on Christmas day, or very close to then.

Ok, the real reason I'm writing this is because I really don't want to study. Everytime I study, I'm able to do 3 to 5 problems with out... well... problem, but then I hit a question that I can't solve, that causes me to bang my head against the wall in frustration until I want to throw my book into the nearest wall. After that, I kind of feel kind of stupid. And I don't do anymore studying for the evening. That hasn't happened yet, but... I don't know. A part of is under the crazy impression that, by somehow not studying, the test won't come. I know it's madness. I know it makes as much sense as some of the urban fantasy books I read do (speaking of which, if you haven't read any of the Harry Dresden books by Jim Butcher, you're missing out), but... I never said (or gave the impression) that I'm sane. Of course, another part of me feels growing dread and apprehension at the prospects of the oncoming tests. And the best solution my mind has for that type of anxiety isn't a healthy solution... Though I haven't done anything remotely like that for... 2 weeks? I think. Time blurs together way too much.

Of course, I also quit EvE 2 weeks ago, so maybe that was contributing to everything as well. I know I haven't really gotten more social, and I haven't been looking to find a solution to my lack of boyfriend problem. Or maybe it's the extra lamp I put in my room (I like light... being inside with out light is bad. Being outside with artificial light is also bad though.)Or maybe I'm on the verge of some sort of breakdown. I don't really know.

Anyway, I need to get back to studying... so ~Night

Post Thanksgiving Thing

Well... it's the Monday after Thanksgiving... I spent the day itself largely with family, so I guess I had a good Thanksgiving. I mean, at least I have family to spend it with. Though, we did what we did last year for the holiday, we hit Busch Gardens in Tampa. They have a restaurant there my parents like, though we save it for special occasions. Then we spent the rest of the day seeing the various attraction things, like their animal area thing and their hospitality house (ie, free beer place). Since I'm over 21 and don't drink, I donated my free beer to my parents.

I decided to go for broke on Black Friday. I spent my paycheck getting some Christmas gifts for my family. By family I mean my parents, since my check plus an oil change on my vehicle didn't hold out much farther than that. I got my father a 3 books, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume 1 and The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Volume 2 by Sir Author Cannon Doyle. I know he wanted to read the Dorian Gray book, and I want to read it as well (I did buy 2 copies of it. I try not to borrow other peoples Christmas gifts), but I'm not too sure about the Sherlock Holmes books. Still, I know he hasn't read them yet, so I don't see why he wouldn't like them... As for my Mom, I got her another year's subscription to Norton Anti-Virus. She gets a little paranoid about her machine, but she doesn't really know too much about it, and she's always afraid she'll break it somehow. I'll probably end up installing/placing in the renewal code for her as well. For my sisters, well, I know what to get one of them. She lost her DS charger, so I'm going to pick her up a replacement one for Christmas. For the other... well... I don't know yet.

As for my friends... haven't given it a lot of thought yet... I know I'm getting Kira (a friend in Orlando) a gift card to a clothing shop. Not because I think she needs or wants more clothes, but because I want more clothes and I don't want to go shopping by myself =P. I'm going to probably put it in one of those children's books. You know the type, the overly think, almost cardboard pages. I'm doing it like that because, every time we're in a book store, she gets distracted by them. Aaron said he didn't want anything for Christmas, but I'll probably get him some Wii or Xbox live points. Like 5 dollar's worth or something.

I've found a few new bands since I dropped my EvE subscription and picked up the Zune subscription. The first one is Savatage. They're an 80's rock band that eventually turns into Trans-Siberian Orchestra. The best thing about them is they're from Florida (Tarpon Springs to be exact), so I've been listening to them a lot. After Forever seems like a good band. Just downloaded them today though, so I've only had one listen so far. Still... they sound kind of like Old Nightwish, at least, their self titled album, After Forever does. The other ones for this band (at least, the other ones I saw) weren't available for download with the Zune subscription, they were purchase only. Finally, I found a band called Kittie. They're an all female metal band out of Canada... kind of sounds like a less technical Arch Enemy.

Hopefully, I'm getting less emoish, but... I... a part of me says no... If I can pull through the Winter I should be ok. And if I can't, well, at least there will be one less whiny blog out there. Anyway, I'm going to call it a night... ~Night!

Docking Up

I'm not going to be renewing my EvE subscription come December. I'm not really enjoying it as much as I use to, and I think I need a break. Also, last month I was kind of using it as a way to escape reality, and that's probably not healthy. Though, to be fair, the other way I escape isn't too healthy either. I still need some sort of entertainment though (ok, maybe I don't, but that's not the point) so I'll start a subscription with the Zune service. I want to find some new music, and since I spend more time in my car then I do at my computer, well, plugging my Zune into my tape deck while I drive from Orlando to Manatee County will make it more enjoyable.

I don't know if I mentioned it, but Will was down from Iraq for about 3 weeks. I only got to see him Halloween night =(. But then, he and I aren't as close as we use to be back before he joined the military. And it doesn't help when he's down, he's back in my hometown. With out a car. And where he lives, and where my parents are, are about an hour away (his parents live near the beach. It's only 14 miles from my parents' place, but the cops near the beach aren't friendly, and will pull you over if you're going 1 mile over in a 25).

Another reason for me taking a break, I guess, is to try to make myself more social. I mean, I never canceled anything in real life to do something online, but I've never really went out of my way to do stuff in real life, well, stuff outside of attend the occasional club meeting or something (I am a member of Metal Club, and our president is a woman as well). Maybe if I get more social, and see if I can't do more things with more people, maybe that might help me. Or maybe I'm just speaking crazy talk, and I'll end up curled on my bed because I have very few friends...

Anyway, I'm going to go grab some food, so ~Night.

Promised Post

Yes, here's my updated post...

I've been feeling up and down... with a lot more lows than highs. I have almost stopped caring about school, though I still at least attend classes. Well, I have withdrawn from one of my classes... It was my electrical networks class.... Well... not networks, systems. It's not that I don't see a point or purpose in school... I just can't see how one relates to me per se... ok, maybe that's not quite right either. It's just... I feel like there's no escape from my current jobs. Not that they're bad jobs, but, just... I've already reached the amount of schooling I need for them... and, well, a part of me believes that, no matter what I do, I'm going to be stuck at these jobs until the day I die. And, well... sometimes I want that day to be closer than other days.

The other reason I've lost a good deal amount of interest in my course work is, I have very little idea in some of my classes what's going on. That was the primary reason I dropped electrical systems, and although I kind of grasp some of the stuff in my Semiconductor's class, but the math just escapes me. I thought I'd never need Quantum Physics and Chemistry for Computer Engineering. I never thought I'd be so totally wrong. Maybe I should just start thinking about switching to computer sci... at least there'd be more programming.

Starting to get a little back into Wiccan and the occult and that type of stuff... Picked up a Tarot deck on Friday. In the very least, it has really pretty artwork, though it's kind of hard to find a deck that isn't either in bright pastels or way too gothy. Still, I picked up a fantasy deck, and I like the way everything is shown in it... Now all I need to do is find my old books on the Subject from highschool/early college and I should be set on using it...

Also, I picked up "My Japanese Coach" for the DS. That game is pretty cool. Well... not so much a game as it's a learning experience thing, but still, it's a nice addition to my game catalog.

Anyway, I'm going to log... ~Night

Only Partly Crazy

Well... I'm still alive. Halloween was fairly boring this year... Though I did get to see Will, so that was kind of cool. Still...

Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep. I'll give a longer post tomorrow... maybe. ~Night.

A little better

I'm feeling a little better, but I do have a test coming up on Wednesday for my electrical networks thingy class. Hopefully, the name of the class won't be on the test. I need to study a lot more for it, but the bulk of it seems to be a little bit more advanced versions of integration. Hopefully I can pull through...

There's got to be an opening somewhere here in front of me

I think I may be close to going off the edge...

I don't know. Lately, I've had almost no desire to do anything. The only reason I'm typing this right now is because it's too early to go to sleep, and too late to take a nap. So, right now my main reason for typing this is to kill the time between the blissful states of unconsciousness. Outside of work, and school I guess, all I want to do is to curl up in a ball on my bed, or escape into EvE, or do something else that, well, would probably get me locked up for 3 days if I did more than think about it. I've also been indulging in an old habit that, well, is the reason I make sure the shirts I wear are at least long enough to cover my upper arms, though the bulk of those scars I got back in High School.

When I'm around friends, or more likely a friend (I'm not part of any actual group, so none of my friends know each other), it's no where near as bad. In fact, the more depressed I feel in isolation, the sillier and goofier I get around others. Not, like, disruptive in class or anything, but... Of course, afterwards I always feel worse. I either do something to totally fuck everything up, or I do a lot of little stupid things, or I don't do enough good things, or... I don't know. Not that anyone says anything. Half the time, people expect me to do stupid stuff. Me and my morbid, twisted sense of humor. Like, last night, Kira and I went and grabbed some dinner, then hit up the local bookstore (I asked her to grab dinner, but the reason I was calling her was to return her call). I acted like an idiot there. And then I got a little too playful near the end. It's stuff like that that I do all the time.

I've also missed a few classes recently. No more than one class per class, but still. It's only a month in the semester, and I'm missing classes! Not a good sign. =(. And I don't really do anything productive during that time. I just end up feeling to guilty. Which makes me just feel worse. Luckily, I haven't missed any work because of this, but still, missing class...

If my parents found out about this, I'd probably get an hour long lecture from my dad about how I'm fucking up everything in my life, and how I'll probably have no useful future. And you know what, he'd probably be correct. All I am is a goddamn failure. If there's a way to screw something up, I'd probably find it. A few weeks ago, I had to swap out a touch screen monitor at a client's place for my job, and I managed to screw that up. Took 20 minutes when it should have taken 5. And that's one of my good screw ups. All I am is a screw up... To be fair though, I changed one of my main passwords to a variation of "I am not a Failure", just to try to force me to think that once a day. I don't think it's been helping...

And another point for being a failure, I'm 22. I'm single. Probably be single till the day I die. I can't find a boyfriend to save my life. Not that it matters much. Any prospect I'd probably scare off because I'd either be too needy, or too cuddly, or too emoish, or a billion other personal defects. And I don't approach anyone, which is another one of my problems. But when I see someone, and I want to say something to them, all I can think of is all the times I fucked that up in the past, and all the ways I could screw up that conversation. And I remind myself of all the other conversations I failed at. And I think, why the hell would they even be interested in me, or sometimes if they were interested in me, they'd say something to me.

And then, finances, I've been screwed. I have more bills then I did last semester, and a smaller income. And I don't want to ask my parents for any more help than they're already giving me (the gas to go back and forth every weekend, and allowing me to pay my car insurance through them instead of through the insurance agency), since I don't want to be the only one between my sisters and I that can't take care of her own finances. Of course, it doesn't really matter. They're all probably just waiting for me to fail or screw up or something. Probably expecting no less from me. Of course, the reputation is probably well earned...

I feel a little better now that I've ranted, but I still feel like everything's spiraling into eventual oblivion. I know things aren't as bad as I paint them out to be, and simple logic would tell me that no one wants me to screw up (except, possible, myself). Still though, I feel almost completely lost in my classes, espically my circuit design class and my semiconductors class. A good part of it is the math, though the circuit class has the problem of simply analyzing things, and the semiconductors class has reintroduced my severe hatred of quantum physics. And it doesn't help that the circuit teacher writes so small I can't make out the diagrams or the math, or that my semiconductor's professor goes through the slides faster then I can write them down. The worst part it, I think if I knew more about the basic concepts that these classes are referring to, I'd like the class. Of course, it doesn't help that my classes are about an hour and a half earlier then they were last semester. Though I have been going to sleep earlier...

Anyway, I think I killed enough time to allow me to enter blissful slumber, so ~Night!

New Place

Sorry, it's been a while... I've been kind of busy...ish....lazy....ish....thingy.

I'm now living in a new dorm. This one is apartment style, so I don't have to worry about someone else's tv set. Though my new dorm is on the first floor, which means I have people above me =(. That, and I think the floor may be softer than the bed... =(

I'm retaking statics this semester =(. Though so far I'm doing pretty well. I should be though, considering this is the second time I took it. My other classes are semiconductors, Electronic Systems (II maybe?), and Intro to Computer Engineering (AKA computer logic I think). Into to computer engineering is fun so far, since I do enjoy Boolean Algebra. My semiconductor's class though, is kind of like Calc 3, Chem, Electronic Networks, and Modern Physics all rolled up into one class =(.

There's a guy in my statics class I kind of like. He seems to be heavily into anime as well, but I don't think he's interested in me... Since I have the class Tuesdays and Thursdays, I might ask him next Tuesday.

I apologize for the choppiness and poor writing quality of this blog, but I'm kind of in a hurry, since I have a stack of homework I need to finish, and since I don't have the weekend to do it, I need to do as much of it as I can tonight and tomorrow night. So ~Night!

Oh, and my boss (Orlando, not parents) is considering selling his business, so I may be looking for a new second job soon =(. (Lots of frownys in this blog...)

No Vacation for You

Well, my manager at the station is on Vacation, which means I'm stuck in Manatee County working 70 hours this week =(. At least I'll be able to see some of my friends...

My lease is up on the 6th for my dorm in Orlando, and my new lease doesn't start until the 22end, which means I'm going to be stuck home for about 3 weeks. And I still need to pester the people over in Financial Aid about my student loans =(...

Anyway, I'm going to call it a night, have to be back at work in about 9 hours, so ~Night!

Movies!

Saw Walle Tuesday night, for a second time (first time was on friday). Both times I had friends drag me to see it, both times I enjoyed it. If some of my friends wanted to see it again, I'd probably go see it a third time. It's the first movie in a long time I can honestly say I've throughly enjoyed to make it worth seeing 2 times, epically the credits =).

I would like to see the Demon Barber of Fleetstreet, err, I mean, Sweeny Tod. I'm trying to convince the same friends that dragged me to Walle to see it with me, since I did see the original back in 6th grade (an orchestra teacher showed it to the class while he was on vacation...). I just don't want to be the creepy person who watches movies by herself.

I also got all my classes registered for fall 08. I'm retaking statics, and the other 3 are all Electrical/Computer Engineering courses (they're both run by the same department, so the only difference between the 2 majors is like 12 credit hours). The three Electrical classes all have labs... =(. And with the way my schedule is set up for next semester (not my fault, stupid lack of choices) it looks like I'll only be able to work Wednesdays and Weekends. On one hand, it'll give me a good amount of time to study, but on the other hand, it means significantly less spending money for things like... food. And goodbye to my idea of being able to save up money to buy my own car so I can stop using my parents' and sort of become one step more independent. Still, if I do things right, I'll study more than last semester, and hopefully get my GPA to something higher than what it is currently at... (not that it's bad, I mean, my MCC gpa was like, 3.5, but my USF one is like 2.6, and combined I'm like 2.9ishkinda....)

Oh, I also have an idea for another short story. If I put it on paper, I'll throw it up here. Otherwise, never mind about it.... Maybe I should change majors and be a writer, though judging by this blog, I doubt that'd be a good idea... everything would probably be angsty, whiny stuff =(. Anyway, ~Night!

Promised Post

Haven't done much in the last 24 hours, well, out side of work. Still, I promised a post today, and I'm going to try to deliver. It'll help keep my mind off of others things I want to do anyways.

I'd really like to quit my job at home, but since I currently use a vehicle provided to me by my parents, I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon... I just don't like dealing with them.. My mom's always a nervous wreck, and my Dad's a manipulative person who just always gets on my nerves. I don't really have a problem with my mom, but my dad... I get so filled with resentment, anger, frustration, guilt, and a few other emotions when I think about him, that I begin to think that it might be better to disable my thinking processes then to have to think about him again, and it gets worse when I'm around him. Combine that with my normal less than perky mood, and, well, I guess that might explain my lack of posts, and my mental stability.

It's not that he's a bad person or anything, since I know I'm making him seem worse than he really is, it's just that... he makes me so frustrated and upset, and I don't see any positive way to see him less. And I dread the idea of cutting him, or any one else in my family, out of my life. Between eliminating myself from all family connections and living life more alone then I currently do or significantly lessing my lifespan, well, I'm not going to say which one looks more appealing, but... well...

I'm going to call it a night, and try to get myself distracted by some amv's. Until tomorrow anyway, when I have to go to my other job, the one my dad set up with one of his friends because he thinks I'm too incompetent to do anything..... anyway, ~Night.

June...ish...Kindof

Well... it looks like I'm getting really lazy... no post in about a month =(. It's just... I don't really have much of a desire to really do much, and it seems doing this takes more effort than it did a year ago =(. Maybe it's my current living arrangements, maybe it's the fact I travel back and forth from Orlando to Manatee County, maybe I don't live as interesting a life now than I use to, but it just bothers me when I type this that I don't update it as often as I'd like.

As too what's new, not too much. Been spending a lot of time reading (disk world, Anita Blake, The Historian, and a few others), out side of that it's mostly work and travel =(. But I'll post more when I'm less tired =( (seem to be that a lot, too =(.) ~Night....

May!

Well, it's almost the end of May, and ya, my posting ability has gone down hill. The bright side of the month, though, was that I got to attend Jacon. It wasn't last weekend, but the weekend before (the 16th, 17th, and 18th). I did not have a costume per say, but I did pick up this loli-dress thing at Megacon, and I ended up wearing that on one of the days at the con.

Lately, I've just been apathetic though. And I mean more so than usual. I don't know, I just, don't really have a desire to do much. My view point of life at this current moment is something to kill the time between birth and death, and... well... I just... I don't know. It's not lack of sleep that's causing it, and it's not boredom. I want to say it's my normal level of depressionesqueness (ya, I invent new words), but... maybe being in Orlando, with less friends than I use to have back when everyone was in Manatee County, living with someone who is basically a complete stranger, with my only privacy being the time I spend in my car, and working two jobs, neither of which I actually willingly signed up for, might be having a toll after almost a year of living up here.

On the plus side I did meet a guy at Jacon. He's cute, into gaming (but not creepily so), and also watches anime. Him and I got together on Monday, played a few rounds of Advance Wars against each other, then we went back to his place. Everything was going well until he introduced me to his boyfriend, whom he lives with. Though I probably should have expected that since I met him at the yaoi pajama party.

Getting back to Jacon, I went with Kira (the girl I met at megacon) and a guy friend from my home town (Daniel, the one who works at the game store). We did have an enjoyable time... probably the only high point of the month.

My parents aren't doing too well together. I don't think they will go through with a divorce or something like that, but they aren't getting along as well as they use to. There's no direct fighting, but... I don't know. My dad's kind of getting a little bit controlling towards my mom, or a little bit jealous, or maybe a little bit of both, or maybe she's just trying to be more independent, and it's starting to annoy my father, or maybe they're both just crazy. They're also planning on moving soon, largely due to financial reasons, and they want me back "home" more often so I can help them pack everything and move. Well, that and my father thinks there's going to be a depression soon.

I put home in "" because I don't think I really know where I'm suppose to be. I mean, one of the reasons I went with that guy from Jacon (his name is Matt...) is so I'd have an excuse to not be down there on Monday (which was Labor Day, or Memorial Day, or one of those weird holidays). I had it off from work, and I really didn't want to be at my parents place. On the other side, I just, I don't like my living arrangements in Orlando. It just, doesn't feel like home here either.

Anyway, I'm going to log for the evening. That's enough of a long winded rant for one day.

Summer Break

It's been a long school year, but it's now summer break. Don't know how well I did yet, but... I'll probably need to retake statics. Not statistics. Statics. Now, instead of working and school, I'll be working long weeks... and still driving back and forth between Orlando and Manatee County.

One year Closer to Death

Today is my 22end birthday. So... I guess happy birthday to me.

Well.. a lot of stuff has happened in the last couple of weeks, I recently changed roommates, and I'm not doing as well in two of my classes as I would like. But... well... I don't know. I do need to log so I can drive back to my parent's place, so I can work tomorrow and sunday, then drive back here... =(.

Megacon 08, the return of Megacon!

Ya, it's that time of year again... just got back from Megacon 08. This year I hit it for all three days, and I had a pretty good time. Also picked up some new anime (Princess Princess and Full Metal Panic... ya, I know, the last one isn't new to most people...). Also picked up a few cool t-shirts, and best of all I picked up a new, super cute, kind of loli-type dress. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to wear it at Jacon this year, though I need to begin saving up money for that convention now... stupid conventions and their money needing. On the plus side, I shouldn't have to worry about needing any new anime for a little bit.

Outside of megacon, and a friend and I hitting karaoke night at one of the local bars (I didn't drink, she did though), I haven't done almost anything social, which is bad, and also probably why I haven't made any updates. I just... haven't been in the mood to do much outside of sleep/eve/attend classes/work. And the only reason why I do the work part is because I need the money.

I'm starting to really hate my job with my parents. Almost to the point where I think about doing something really stupid to not have to go work there. I don't know what it is about the job. I mean, there's nothing blatantly bad about it. I think it may just be some of the people I work with there. Maybe. I don't know. It could be that I didn't get a choice in weather or not I worked there. Just, what ever it is, I hate being there... it's not that bad while I'm there, it's just on the way there, and during the week, I dread going back. Megacon at least was a decent break from it, and Jacon is coming up in May, so that'll be another fun break.

So far, I don't think I'm doing that well in my classes. I haven't been as... diligent in my homework as I should be. Been doing ok on the tests, but... It's just every time I sit down to do my homework, I end up curling into a little ball around a pillow, and that's probably not healthy. Though after Megacon I actually do want to sit down and do my homework, so maybe it's just loneliness induced or something.

Anyway, I'm going to call it a night. I apologize for how long it's been since my last update, but to be fair, a certain someone said they'd be updating often (at least on their other blog..) so =P. ~Night

Stupid Time...

Gah, there never seems to be enough time in any given day =(.

So far, work's going ok, though since my manager was out of town last week, and he was too busy catching up with some of his stuff this week, I haven't been payed from my Orlando job in two weeks =(. So come Monday, hopefully I'll have 3 paychecks waiting for me. Then I can use a third of that to pay off what I put on my credit card over the last two weeks (maybe I should put a little bit more than a third down on my credit card, though I do have one or other two bills pending.)

Anyway, I know it's a short post, but I need to begin driving back to my parent's place (about 40miles south of Tampa). I'm going to call it a night...

Also, I din't get a chance to ask my roommate about their comment yet. I might do it while I'm packing up my school stuff, or I might do it come Sunday night. ~Night

It's only 4,399

Well, to answer the question, my gamerscore is only 4,399 points. Which is strange, because I didn't know you could get a number ending in something other than 5 or 10. I don't have a lot of free time to play my 360 though, and it's at my parents house... and I don't play games for the gamer score. I play a game because, well... I enjoy that game. There are things I enjoy in games, and going out to collect x number of flags, or doing something ridiculously hard and tedious, isn't why I play games. Also, the type of games I tend to enjoy are largely their arcade games, though with the way their service has been lately, I haven't even been able to play some of the ones I purchased before hand, because since I'm no longer on my original system (stupid Red Ring Of Death last year) I can't play the full version of any game tied to my original 360 with out being fully logged in =(.

So far, I hate my statics class. It's a lot of vector mathematics. We were not meant to do 3 dimensional analysis on a 2 dimensional sheet of paper. Or at least, those of us who can't draw weren't. That and 3 dimensional object was always my largest problem in calc 3. And also the teacher can't teach... and the 160 students in the class... ya... I don't like the class so far.

---

Right now I'm in the library, since my next class has been canceled because the teacher has an out of town conference to attend to on Digital Microwave Tranmissions or something. I didn't really have a good night last night (which was when I started typing everything above the bar), just... I haven't been feeling too good, and I guess I mean both physically and mentaly.

Physically, I don't want to eat. The thought of food almost makes me want to vomit. That doesn't mean I don't eat, just I'm eating less. And drinking less soda as well. I guess that's kind of a good thing, since that means less out of pocket expenss to food, but since it's not me not wanting to eat, and more me getting sick if I do eat, I doubt that's healthy. I've also been sneezing and coughing a lot more, though I don't know off the top of my head if there are any sicknesses that combine "food makes you want to vomit" with "I sneeze a lot". Hopefully it'll go away soon.

Mentaly though, it's the same things I've been dealing with since I got out to UCF. Largely lack of people to do things with/talk to/hang out with. It also doesn't help that, over the weekend and Sunday night (ie, Friday Night, Saturday Night, and Sunday Night) I got a combined of like 10 hours of sleep =(. So I was pretty exhausted yesterday. Friday and Saturday night's lack of sleep had to do with me doing things with friends in Manatee County, and with me having to go into work early on Saturday and Sunday morning. The lack of sleep on Sunday night though was because my room mate didn't get off the phone until like 2 or 3 am. And they took the call inside the dorm room because it was 40 degrees outside (ok, it's Florida. The extent for what stores sell down here for cold weather is either a thicker than normal T-shirt, or an ultra-thin jacket.) On top of that though, it's some of the things my roommate said on the phone that also bothered me. I don't know if I was the center of the conversation, and I know it's kind of concieted to think so, but... I don't know. It just... felt kind of like I was the subject of the conversation. Espically because my roommate said that they couldn't talk freely on the matter with current company. But it wasn't like it was insultive... just... it seemed to be about something I don't like to share with people, but due to me living with my room mate I ended up sharing it with them (and no, I haven't posted about it on this blog, and I currently have no plans to do so yet. It is one of the reasons why I tend to get depressed easily though), and they didn't have a problem about it when I told them about it, but I guess the way they said it on the phone implied a problem. Of course, I always assume the worst with anything, so hopefully that's the case here. I don't want to try to clarify the matter because I don't want to get branded as someone who doesn't allow others their privacy, but... there's an event coming to Orlando my roommate wants to hit, but since they don't have a car, I might take them. On the way to the event I'll probably ask them to clarify their opion on the matter. Then there was a lot of other, little stuff through out the week (non-roommate related) that taken by themselves wouldn't cause me any grief, but each one compounded upon each other, so by Monday night I really wasn't in a proper state of mind. I almost did something last night that would have been really, really stupid. That's all I'm going to say. (I can still use that phrase even if it took half the blog to tell)

I know I occasionaly think this, but once again I'm thinking about quiting gaming altogether and just watching anime/reading manga. I think I get more satisfaction from reading manga (currently just started After Class Nightmare and still reading Tsubasa Resevoir Chronicles) then I do from playing EvE. And a lot of the games that are currently out right now are less fun and more immersive. I don't know... it's just... I find Manga and books and anime to be more calming then gaming. Though with those passive forms of entertainment, my mind constantly tries to create side/different/parrallel story paths for everything, and that gets annoying.

Anyway, I'm going to get logging. I got a decent amount of sleep this morning (like 6 or 7 hours) and I got to spend some time doing some things other than working, school, or school work (I listened to my Zune for like 3 hours this morning trying to relax a little bit) so I shouldn't have to worry about me doing anything... bad tonight. So... ~Night!

First Post of 08

Well, it's my first post of 08, and I'm back in school already =(. Actually, I've been in school for a full week, so tomorrow is the first day after drop add. I'm kind of lucky they had drop add, because with out it, I wouldn't have been able to get into my fourth class and lock myself as a full time student. My classes for this semester are Electric Networks, Engineering Statics, Engineering Analysis, and Computer Science I. You might think I should have already had Comp Sci I, but since intro to C is it's prereq, and since it goes into things like sort functions, Link Lists, Program Memory Management, ect, it looks to be a little bit more complicated then my Computer science course back at MCC.

We had some company over for the Christmas break, which is my excuse why I didn't get anything done. They were from England, and were clients of my dad, err, one of them was anyways. The others were part of his family. They were fairly nice people, and we got along well with them. Spent most of my free time (which I had a lot of over the break) doing things with either them, my family, or my friends, and I got to sleep in, so I was happy.

I've gotten my hands on two new 360 games Assassin's Creed (which I own) and Mass Effect (which I'm borrowing from a friend). I have to say I'm impressed with both of them, though I think I enjoy Assassin's Creed more than Mass Effect, but the later is a lot more addictive. Still... when I'm home on the weekends, I'll be trying to play both (at least, as long as my friend allows me to continue borrowing Mass Effect. I'll probably wait for that one to drop to 30/40 before I pick it up).

I probably need to read more. Since I started UCF, outside of my occasional text book reading, all I've read is one Halo novel (it's not as bad as it sounds). Right now I'm trying to read through The Golden Compass but since I don't have a lot of free time (I blame class and commute time, since it obviously couldn't be me playing EvE), I'm not getting too far. As one could probably guess, I think my writing skills are on the decline because of it =(. If anyone has any good books they'd like to recommend...

As to my classes, I really only know one or two people in my Computer Science I class. Outside of that, I really don't know anyone in my other classes =(. Hopefully I'll be able to meet some people and actually do stuff with them outside of class this semester. Hopefully... maybe...

Driving back and forth from home to my dorm does have a good side. The Gamestop (use to be an EBGames) there that I occasionally hang out at recently (ok, maybe he's been there since September and I'm only now posting about it...) got a cute guy there. His name is Daniel and hopefully... eventually (assuming I can be down there more than just a weekend... and not have to spend it all working) we could spend some time outside of the gamestore. He's into anime/video games, he's friendly, polite, and not a sterotypical type of gamer person, and he bathes regularly (actually, he has better hygiene then almost anyone I know). In short... he's basicly an anime/gaming bishonen type of person (yes, he looks like a bishonen too).

Anyway, I need to get some sleep... so night!