Ya, another post, with out a two month delay. Hopefully I'll try to be a little less emo in this one then I was in the previous one...
Halloween's coming, and I really don't have anything to do for it. No clubs that I'm a part of our doing anything for Halloween =(, and and I currently lack the friend base to be able to throw/attend a Halloween party and enjoy it. Oh, and I also don't have a costume. Though, on the plus side, the local anime club s throwing a Halloween Murder Mystery thing on Sunday that I might attend. I'm not really a member of their club because their meetings are on Saturday nights, which is when I'm back at my parents to work =(. Though I do have an invite to it, since I am on the their facebook account, so if I leave early enough on Sunday from home after work, I'll be attending the Murder Mystery thing to give me something to do for Halloween. After all, Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year.
I'm doing a little bit better in my classes than I was in my last post, but not by much =(. I have a physics test come Wednesday that I'm not ready for. You know all that abstract atomic theory about the quantinization of matter and light? That's what it's going to be on. And the things I hate most about physics is atomic structure and nuclear physics =(. Though I'll probably be spending a good portion of my time studying over the weekend, minus that anime thing I want to do...
I have discovered that the greatest determent to my time at the moment is EvE. But, I really don't want to quit playing. It is my largest joy here in Orlando... well, may not my largest, but it is something I really enjoy doing. And it's not so much the space flight thingy (though I do love sci-fi) as it is a combination of having people to talk to (even if their only online) and being able to have more control over my character's outcomes than I do in the real world. Not that I don't control my real life, it's just that... I have a lot more freedom in EvE than I do in the real world. It is fairly easy to be something in EvE, not that it's difficult to do it in the RL, just... I don't know. I just enjoy it more I guess... And as such, I am really reluctant to part to part with it. Maybe I should, but...
There is a guy here I am interested in, but I don't think he's interested in me the same way I'm interested in him... at least, I don't think so. Still, he's interested in anime, gaming, and programming, so that should be a decent connection there. Though it might be more like he's free on the weekends, and I'm not =(. Stupid job with my parents. I did ask if he was free Wednesday night (you know, after my physics test), and he said it looked ok so far, but that he can't be certain till Tuesday, which doesn't sound too good to me =(. Still, hoprefully me and him can get together to watch some anime or something. And if that goes well, we might be able to meet up a little more often and become something more than friends. Hopefully... maybe...
Anyway, I have class soon, so I need to log and attend that. I'll try to post later in the week...
Friday, October 26, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
OK, it might have been a while since I did an update
I've been very busy... class and work don't leave me a lot of free time to do other things, and most of the time that I had, I ended up spending on EvE, though I'm changing that.
It's not because I don't like EvE, far from it. In fact, right now, since I don't have a lot of friends here in Orlando, and my job with my Dad's friend has no coworkers (except my Dad's friend), EvE has basicly been my sole enjoyment here, which is kind of sad, since it seems I'm now using a virtual world to be happy...
But as to why I'm greatly decreasing the amount of free time I'm spending on EvE, it's because my grades aren't as good as I'd like them to be. I was one point from a C on my Diffrential Equations exam, and I did fairly horrible on my physics test (I only had answers for 3 out of 5 questions...). I'm also not keeping up with my homework, which is pretty bad considering the level of difficulty of the classes.
But the worst part isn't that. It's my attention span in my classes. I'll be attempting to pay attention in a class, and trying to focus on what the professor is saying, when my mind will go on a complete tangent and diverge in thought process to something completely random. And I'll do this multiple times in the lecture! So, by the end of the class I really didn't learn anything new. Though I wouldn't say I'm completely lost in my classes. I just... I don't know. And I think it's kind of depression related to why I can't seem to pay attention.
I mean, I don't really have anyone I consider to be a friend friend. I know a few people in my classes that I'm friendly with, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but our relationship pretty much ends with school. We'll occasionally hit an on-campus resturant after class, but as to us really going out of our way to do something, like hanging out in the evening or something, we don't. So, the only people I can really talk to after class gets out and I'm not at work are my corp mates on EvE, and I'll largely just talk to them because I don't have too many others to talk to.
As to Sean and I, well, I haven't talked to him in about a month and a half, so our relationship is pretty much over. And I know that he's at least OK enough to be able to log online, because his myspace page's last log in time keeps changing, so I think it's largely because he doesn't want to talk with me/be with me. I wouldn't feel as crappy about it if he gave me a reason why he didn't want to see me. Though either way, it still hurts. Even now.. when it first started, I wanted to find some way to make him feel the same way that he was making me feel. I didn't want to hurt him hurt him, because I still (even now) like him, I just wanted to make him know what that felt like, though I never enacted it. Of course, it's stupid of me to think that way. I mean, if he's out, and has found someone else that can make him happier than I could, than that would be ok I guess, I just wish I didn't feel like sobbing everytime I thought about this. And thinking about it makes me feel so... unwanted. And afraid of being single again... and a thousand other negative emotions that I don't like having. And to make things worse, when I think that maybe I shouldn't have ever dated him, my mind goes back and thinks about the times we cuddled (just cuddled!) and spent together, and I just want that back. I want to have someone I can embrace again, some one I can hug and hang onto, some one who, just... I don't know... obviously he wasn't it.
Gina's and I's relationship isn't going as well as I'd like it to be, though she's in Melborn and I'm in Orlando. She's attending FIT, though there she's gotten herself into a sorority. I don't mind that she has people to hang out with, and I'm happy and maybe a little jealous that she's made a lot of friends out there, but sometimes it just feels like she's putting a priority towards her sorority over me. Like, back when we were both going to MCC, I tried to get her to play Guitar Hero, since we both were in the orchestra and both enjoyed playing our respective instruments (I played the violin, she played the viola). She tried it out for one song, put it down, and said she didn't like it, so we never touched it again. But now that her sorority is doing an event with it, she's willing to engage in it with them... that's just one example... though I probably haven't been as good a friend to her as I should be. I really don't call her on a regular basis, so I guess it's acceptable that we're kind of drifting apart. It's just bad for me since she's one of the closest people I have in my life at the moment. And I don't want to loose my friendship with her.
Getting off of the topic on how I'm screwing up my personal life, if you haven't yet looked into it, go out and do what ever you can to watch as much Death Note as you can get your hands on. I've been able to see the first 9 episodes of it so far, and it is a fantastic anime. It is a very intense thriller, and when it finally finds it's way to the States (and I'm not talking about the dubbing crap they're going to put on Adult Swim, I'm talking about a good Sub), I'm going to be one of the first people to buy the series on DvD. I don't know what it is about the anime, I just can't get enough of it. Even though the plot synopsis doesn't sound too interesting (boy finds magic notebook that'll kill anyone who's name is written inside of it), it's worth the watch. And the own.
Anyway, I need to get some sleep for physics and work tomorrow. ~Night!
It's not because I don't like EvE, far from it. In fact, right now, since I don't have a lot of friends here in Orlando, and my job with my Dad's friend has no coworkers (except my Dad's friend), EvE has basicly been my sole enjoyment here, which is kind of sad, since it seems I'm now using a virtual world to be happy...
But as to why I'm greatly decreasing the amount of free time I'm spending on EvE, it's because my grades aren't as good as I'd like them to be. I was one point from a C on my Diffrential Equations exam, and I did fairly horrible on my physics test (I only had answers for 3 out of 5 questions...). I'm also not keeping up with my homework, which is pretty bad considering the level of difficulty of the classes.
But the worst part isn't that. It's my attention span in my classes. I'll be attempting to pay attention in a class, and trying to focus on what the professor is saying, when my mind will go on a complete tangent and diverge in thought process to something completely random. And I'll do this multiple times in the lecture! So, by the end of the class I really didn't learn anything new. Though I wouldn't say I'm completely lost in my classes. I just... I don't know. And I think it's kind of depression related to why I can't seem to pay attention.
I mean, I don't really have anyone I consider to be a friend friend. I know a few people in my classes that I'm friendly with, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but our relationship pretty much ends with school. We'll occasionally hit an on-campus resturant after class, but as to us really going out of our way to do something, like hanging out in the evening or something, we don't. So, the only people I can really talk to after class gets out and I'm not at work are my corp mates on EvE, and I'll largely just talk to them because I don't have too many others to talk to.
As to Sean and I, well, I haven't talked to him in about a month and a half, so our relationship is pretty much over. And I know that he's at least OK enough to be able to log online, because his myspace page's last log in time keeps changing, so I think it's largely because he doesn't want to talk with me/be with me. I wouldn't feel as crappy about it if he gave me a reason why he didn't want to see me. Though either way, it still hurts. Even now.. when it first started, I wanted to find some way to make him feel the same way that he was making me feel. I didn't want to hurt him hurt him, because I still (even now) like him, I just wanted to make him know what that felt like, though I never enacted it. Of course, it's stupid of me to think that way. I mean, if he's out, and has found someone else that can make him happier than I could, than that would be ok I guess, I just wish I didn't feel like sobbing everytime I thought about this. And thinking about it makes me feel so... unwanted. And afraid of being single again... and a thousand other negative emotions that I don't like having. And to make things worse, when I think that maybe I shouldn't have ever dated him, my mind goes back and thinks about the times we cuddled (just cuddled!) and spent together, and I just want that back. I want to have someone I can embrace again, some one I can hug and hang onto, some one who, just... I don't know... obviously he wasn't it.
Gina's and I's relationship isn't going as well as I'd like it to be, though she's in Melborn and I'm in Orlando. She's attending FIT, though there she's gotten herself into a sorority. I don't mind that she has people to hang out with, and I'm happy and maybe a little jealous that she's made a lot of friends out there, but sometimes it just feels like she's putting a priority towards her sorority over me. Like, back when we were both going to MCC, I tried to get her to play Guitar Hero, since we both were in the orchestra and both enjoyed playing our respective instruments (I played the violin, she played the viola). She tried it out for one song, put it down, and said she didn't like it, so we never touched it again. But now that her sorority is doing an event with it, she's willing to engage in it with them... that's just one example... though I probably haven't been as good a friend to her as I should be. I really don't call her on a regular basis, so I guess it's acceptable that we're kind of drifting apart. It's just bad for me since she's one of the closest people I have in my life at the moment. And I don't want to loose my friendship with her.
Getting off of the topic on how I'm screwing up my personal life, if you haven't yet looked into it, go out and do what ever you can to watch as much Death Note as you can get your hands on. I've been able to see the first 9 episodes of it so far, and it is a fantastic anime. It is a very intense thriller, and when it finally finds it's way to the States (and I'm not talking about the dubbing crap they're going to put on Adult Swim, I'm talking about a good Sub), I'm going to be one of the first people to buy the series on DvD. I don't know what it is about the anime, I just can't get enough of it. Even though the plot synopsis doesn't sound too interesting (boy finds magic notebook that'll kill anyone who's name is written inside of it), it's worth the watch. And the own.
Anyway, I need to get some sleep for physics and work tomorrow. ~Night!
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