OK, it might have been a while since I did an update

I've been very busy... class and work don't leave me a lot of free time to do other things, and most of the time that I had, I ended up spending on EvE, though I'm changing that.

It's not because I don't like EvE, far from it. In fact, right now, since I don't have a lot of friends here in Orlando, and my job with my Dad's friend has no coworkers (except my Dad's friend), EvE has basicly been my sole enjoyment here, which is kind of sad, since it seems I'm now using a virtual world to be happy...

But as to why I'm greatly decreasing the amount of free time I'm spending on EvE, it's because my grades aren't as good as I'd like them to be. I was one point from a C on my Diffrential Equations exam, and I did fairly horrible on my physics test (I only had answers for 3 out of 5 questions...). I'm also not keeping up with my homework, which is pretty bad considering the level of difficulty of the classes.

But the worst part isn't that. It's my attention span in my classes. I'll be attempting to pay attention in a class, and trying to focus on what the professor is saying, when my mind will go on a complete tangent and diverge in thought process to something completely random. And I'll do this multiple times in the lecture! So, by the end of the class I really didn't learn anything new. Though I wouldn't say I'm completely lost in my classes. I just... I don't know. And I think it's kind of depression related to why I can't seem to pay attention.

I mean, I don't really have anyone I consider to be a friend friend. I know a few people in my classes that I'm friendly with, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but our relationship pretty much ends with school. We'll occasionally hit an on-campus resturant after class, but as to us really going out of our way to do something, like hanging out in the evening or something, we don't. So, the only people I can really talk to after class gets out and I'm not at work are my corp mates on EvE, and I'll largely just talk to them because I don't have too many others to talk to.

As to Sean and I, well, I haven't talked to him in about a month and a half, so our relationship is pretty much over. And I know that he's at least OK enough to be able to log online, because his myspace page's last log in time keeps changing, so I think it's largely because he doesn't want to talk with me/be with me. I wouldn't feel as crappy about it if he gave me a reason why he didn't want to see me. Though either way, it still hurts. Even now.. when it first started, I wanted to find some way to make him feel the same way that he was making me feel. I didn't want to hurt him hurt him, because I still (even now) like him, I just wanted to make him know what that felt like, though I never enacted it. Of course, it's stupid of me to think that way. I mean, if he's out, and has found someone else that can make him happier than I could, than that would be ok I guess, I just wish I didn't feel like sobbing everytime I thought about this. And thinking about it makes me feel so... unwanted. And afraid of being single again... and a thousand other negative emotions that I don't like having. And to make things worse, when I think that maybe I shouldn't have ever dated him, my mind goes back and thinks about the times we cuddled (just cuddled!) and spent together, and I just want that back. I want to have someone I can embrace again, some one I can hug and hang onto, some one who, just... I don't know... obviously he wasn't it.

Gina's and I's relationship isn't going as well as I'd like it to be, though she's in Melborn and I'm in Orlando. She's attending FIT, though there she's gotten herself into a sorority. I don't mind that she has people to hang out with, and I'm happy and maybe a little jealous that she's made a lot of friends out there, but sometimes it just feels like she's putting a priority towards her sorority over me. Like, back when we were both going to MCC, I tried to get her to play Guitar Hero, since we both were in the orchestra and both enjoyed playing our respective instruments (I played the violin, she played the viola). She tried it out for one song, put it down, and said she didn't like it, so we never touched it again. But now that her sorority is doing an event with it, she's willing to engage in it with them... that's just one example... though I probably haven't been as good a friend to her as I should be. I really don't call her on a regular basis, so I guess it's acceptable that we're kind of drifting apart. It's just bad for me since she's one of the closest people I have in my life at the moment. And I don't want to loose my friendship with her.

Getting off of the topic on how I'm screwing up my personal life, if you haven't yet looked into it, go out and do what ever you can to watch as much Death Note as you can get your hands on. I've been able to see the first 9 episodes of it so far, and it is a fantastic anime. It is a very intense thriller, and when it finally finds it's way to the States (and I'm not talking about the dubbing crap they're going to put on Adult Swim, I'm talking about a good Sub), I'm going to be one of the first people to buy the series on DvD. I don't know what it is about the anime, I just can't get enough of it. Even though the plot synopsis doesn't sound too interesting (boy finds magic notebook that'll kill anyone who's name is written inside of it), it's worth the watch. And the own.

Anyway, I need to get some sleep for physics and work tomorrow. ~Night!