Today I started my new job. It's not what I expected. I expected to do more... meaningfull work than what I actually did. My job today, and for tomorrow, was/will be to run windows updates on all the computers in the office, and uninstall and reinstall some software. So today, for twenty minutes per computer, I sat infron of it and stared at the green installation bar going across the screen. On top of that, I had to interrupt people who were working to do this on their computers. None of them complained about it, but I kind of feel bad about it. I know they chose to pay me to do what they tell me to do, and I know I should be very happy that I found a paid internship that pays more than Albertsons, but I kind of feel not needed. At least at Albertsons I felt needed, not that I really was since almost anyperson could work there. Here though, it feels like they are giving me pointless busy work. I know they have more than windows updates to do, too, since my boss has a todo list of about 40 items, each dealing with computers. Maybe he just wanted to see if I knew enough about computers to do that much, or maybe he plans on me not being there for too long. On top of that, I kind of felt like an outsider. It wasn't how I was treated or anything, just that everyone had there own, specific job to do, and I'm this new cog in the machine, messing it up. Well, no one said or acted anything like that, so it's probally just my own paranoia. I have a lot of that paranoia, enough to the point that I occasionally make these huge conspiracies about how everyone around me is really doesn't want to be around me. I know those aren't the case, but knowing that doesn't help that feeling crawling through you, nawing at your insides and making you second guess everyone's actions. It also doesn't help that those thoughts tend to make me believe that I'm more isolated than I really am. But as long as I know the line between reality and paranoia, I should be all right.
I had my speech today in class. I scrapped the previous one, since it didn't follow the criteria he gave us, and ended up writting up an introduction on Sid Mier. I am now officially the geekiest person in that class. I show up on my lunch break, the only one in class wearing a buttoned down shirt, even the teacher is not as "professional" looking as I am, give a speech about something related to computers, then sit down. Everyone else in the class gave their speeches on either introducing country singers, sports awards, or best actor/ress awards. I probally shouldn't have chosen shuch a nerdish topic. On top of that, there were remarks (amonst the students, the teacher actually liked this) about me having too much hand gestures. That's the way I talk, espicially when I'm nervous, so get over it!!!!! At least the teacher liked it enough to give it a 92. Until that speech, I thought I'd make an excellent public speeker, but I was way too nervous to be relaxed. Very nervous. And I was still nervous when I got back to work. I don't hate giving speeches, and I love being the center of attention, but when all eyes are on me like that, it just, I don't know. It just does something.
After that I worked in the lab for two hours. One of my friends kept me company, and I got to help one of the other lab assistants with his math homework, so that kept me occupied till then. After that, my friend and I, with her boyfriend, went to the mall and had chineese. Of course, when we're all together like that, I play the jester, and I do it so well... I guess I like attention that much. After the mall (we looked around at stuff for about an hour) we went to books a million (stupid mall, closing at 9), and we went our own sperate ways for two hours. There I started reading John Constatine, Hellrazer and I kind of got into those comics. SO I picked one up, and I plan on reading it tomorrow.
Anyway, this jester has to get to bed so I can wake up by 7, my stuffed animals the only gaurds against the night terrors called paranoia that haunt my mind untill blissfull sleep takes me. Night!
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Ceiling tiles are fun to look at
Well, today was a fun day. For speech class, I was suppose to give a speech, only to find out that I didn't write it up on the right topic. Luckily, I wasn't the only person who made that mistake, so I have until tomorrow to write a new speech. I wrote my speech as an introduction to my father, but apparently I was only allowed to introduce famous people, so now I have to research some one I don't really care about, then sound enthusiastic when I introduce them. I'm not sure which famous person I'll be introducing. I might go with either Allan Greenspan, or Sid Meir. I know what everyone's thinking (ok, maybe I don't, but that's not the point.), why don't I introduce an actor/actress. The reason for that is I'm not a big fan of hollywood type people. That, and I'm really too lazy to do the research on them.
After class, I stopped off at BooksAMillion, and picked up a new C programing book. Not that I'll actually read it, but it looks nice on my shelf. Anyway, while I was there, I met a friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks. He's an independt film maker whose movie descriptions creep me out such that I haven't had the courage to see one of his movies. He's a nice guy, though, and I kind of feel bad about his low grade in a class we both took together. I helped him as much as I could, but I guess I got an A in the class because I was willing to splurge on an 8 dollar binder, while he got a c because he used a 3 dollar binder (remeber, teachers can be bought off easily).
Anyway, I'm back in the lab now (I haven't been able to work in the lab because of my Albertsons schedule for about a week. Now that I no longer work there, and now that I have a new job, I should be able to close the lab every night). Tomorrow is the first day at my new job, so wish me luck! I'm kind of nervous as to what tomorrow brings.
After class, I stopped off at BooksAMillion, and picked up a new C programing book. Not that I'll actually read it, but it looks nice on my shelf. Anyway, while I was there, I met a friend I hadn't seen in a few weeks. He's an independt film maker whose movie descriptions creep me out such that I haven't had the courage to see one of his movies. He's a nice guy, though, and I kind of feel bad about his low grade in a class we both took together. I helped him as much as I could, but I guess I got an A in the class because I was willing to splurge on an 8 dollar binder, while he got a c because he used a 3 dollar binder (remeber, teachers can be bought off easily).
Anyway, I'm back in the lab now (I haven't been able to work in the lab because of my Albertsons schedule for about a week. Now that I no longer work there, and now that I have a new job, I should be able to close the lab every night). Tomorrow is the first day at my new job, so wish me luck! I'm kind of nervous as to what tomorrow brings.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Diet pepsi is good
Well first off, to all those people who read my blog but don't leave comments, sorry about the lack of post yesterday. For the one person who does leave comments, I've already apologized to you, so you don't need a second apology =P.
The reason why I didn't post yesterday was CoH. After I got off of work, I logged onto CoH, and played till 3 am. I'm now lvl 23!!
Yesterday was my last day at Albertsons. I'm going to miss it there, but I have a new job to go to on thursday, so I shouldn't be worrying about it. Since it was my last day at albertsons, everyone pitched in and we had a small party in my department. There was cake, and even a little card (Ok, maybe it was more like two napkins stabled together that everyone signed, but that still counts as a card). One of my coworkers wanted to lite a sparkler, but my manager told her no. Stupid fire sprinkler thingys.
Today I haven't really done much. I watched clerks, and I saw Batman Begins the day before yesterday (after my last post), but I really haven't done too much today. That's why I hate my days off. There never seems to be anything to keep me occupied. I mean, I guess I could play CoH, but all my friends are on at night, so it'd be like playing alone. And I really don't like being alone... at least in an MMO. I guess I could just try to get some day time friends... Anyway, I"m going to log onto CoH, I'll make sure to update this tomorrow.
The reason why I didn't post yesterday was CoH. After I got off of work, I logged onto CoH, and played till 3 am. I'm now lvl 23!!
Yesterday was my last day at Albertsons. I'm going to miss it there, but I have a new job to go to on thursday, so I shouldn't be worrying about it. Since it was my last day at albertsons, everyone pitched in and we had a small party in my department. There was cake, and even a little card (Ok, maybe it was more like two napkins stabled together that everyone signed, but that still counts as a card). One of my coworkers wanted to lite a sparkler, but my manager told her no. Stupid fire sprinkler thingys.
Today I haven't really done much. I watched clerks, and I saw Batman Begins the day before yesterday (after my last post), but I really haven't done too much today. That's why I hate my days off. There never seems to be anything to keep me occupied. I mean, I guess I could play CoH, but all my friends are on at night, so it'd be like playing alone. And I really don't like being alone... at least in an MMO. I guess I could just try to get some day time friends... Anyway, I"m going to log onto CoH, I'll make sure to update this tomorrow.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Here's my story
Well, I told everyone I'd write a story, and here it is. Sorry it's just the first draft, and I guess I'm also sorry for how short it is. I almost have the second draft finished, but I might as well give everyone a completed draft. Anyway, here it is:
Why do you keep pestering me with your questions? I have already explained it to you, haven't I? I told you what happened, told you each event, and yet you still wish me to reitterate! But I guess I have no choice but to tell you again.
As I said earlier, I was walking home from work when I met up with my friend Elliot. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I asked if he wanted to eat dinner with me. He readily agreed, and we went off to a local resturant.
At the resturant, we had a pleasant conversation. We talked about how each of us were, and how we were doing. I enjoyed his conversation to such an extent that I asked him if he wanted to go out with me. How presumptuous of a girl like myself to think that.
His response broke my heart.
We left the resturant after that question, and he agreed to walk me home.
It was on the walk home that I got the foreboading feeling that we were being stalked. Shadows flickerd at the cornor of my eys, a heavy, rhapsy noise filled my ears and echoed throughout the night, sending shivers down my spine. The pale moonlight glinted dimly off of half glimpsed abominations lurking in the shadows.
Through all this, though, Elliot walked on with out hesitation. These night horrors did not affect him, and to that I tried to cling on to. I tried to hold onto him for comfort, for security. A cold shoulder was all I got.
It was at this moment I saw the monstoristy. It lurked in the shadows, it's flesh so dark as to contrast with the blackness and bleakness of the night. Sickly did the light of the moon reflect on the deamon's claws, each glinting with such mayhem as to freeze the marrow of my bones. But even as I took all this in, my eyes could not help but be drawn to the thing's face. For where it should of had eyes, there was two frenzied pits, each illuminating the night with an infernal red.
Elliot didn't see this monster until it was to late. The monster brought it's claws done upon him, and he screamed in such agony that made me take flight.
After that is when you picked me up. I have no memory of what occured between the ululation and your arrival, nor do I know what happend to Elliot. You... you say I'm free to go? Before you take off my handcuffs, can you tell me one thing? Tell me why my hands were covered in blood when you found me.
Well, that's the story. It's not much, and definatly not my best work, but it was all I could come up with. Thanks for reading it.
Why do you keep pestering me with your questions? I have already explained it to you, haven't I? I told you what happened, told you each event, and yet you still wish me to reitterate! But I guess I have no choice but to tell you again.
As I said earlier, I was walking home from work when I met up with my friend Elliot. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I asked if he wanted to eat dinner with me. He readily agreed, and we went off to a local resturant.
At the resturant, we had a pleasant conversation. We talked about how each of us were, and how we were doing. I enjoyed his conversation to such an extent that I asked him if he wanted to go out with me. How presumptuous of a girl like myself to think that.
His response broke my heart.
We left the resturant after that question, and he agreed to walk me home.
It was on the walk home that I got the foreboading feeling that we were being stalked. Shadows flickerd at the cornor of my eys, a heavy, rhapsy noise filled my ears and echoed throughout the night, sending shivers down my spine. The pale moonlight glinted dimly off of half glimpsed abominations lurking in the shadows.
Through all this, though, Elliot walked on with out hesitation. These night horrors did not affect him, and to that I tried to cling on to. I tried to hold onto him for comfort, for security. A cold shoulder was all I got.
It was at this moment I saw the monstoristy. It lurked in the shadows, it's flesh so dark as to contrast with the blackness and bleakness of the night. Sickly did the light of the moon reflect on the deamon's claws, each glinting with such mayhem as to freeze the marrow of my bones. But even as I took all this in, my eyes could not help but be drawn to the thing's face. For where it should of had eyes, there was two frenzied pits, each illuminating the night with an infernal red.
Elliot didn't see this monster until it was to late. The monster brought it's claws done upon him, and he screamed in such agony that made me take flight.
After that is when you picked me up. I have no memory of what occured between the ululation and your arrival, nor do I know what happend to Elliot. You... you say I'm free to go? Before you take off my handcuffs, can you tell me one thing? Tell me why my hands were covered in blood when you found me.
Well, that's the story. It's not much, and definatly not my best work, but it was all I could come up with. Thanks for reading it.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Chinesee food
Well, today has been a fun day. At work today (yay!!! monday's my last day!!!) I got chewed out for following directions. Ok, I might not have been chewed out as so much as yelled at by an incompotent manager, but ya. All my coworkers thought it was hilliarious, espicially because I didn't care what she said, I just kind of ignored her. That's a hard thing to do, when some one is yelling at you loud enough to wake the dead and draw odd looks from customers. Anyway, the whole thing was about our order gun and where it was, and I was always told not to tell other people where our gun is. The manager wanted to know where our gun was, and started off the conversation by yelling "Where's the gun??!!!!". I might have told her if she asked nicely, but she's a bitch, and I'm only there for one more day, so she can go *BEEP* herself.
After work, I ended up going to church. My parents are on a weird getaway thingy with their friends, so my sisters and I had to usher by ourselve, and none of us really like the job, so it ended up being half asked done. Our pastor forgot his sermon at home, and ended up winging it. Let's just say he got sidetracked, like me in a store full of stuffed animals. I don't really like my church too much. It has this stale feel to it, similar to that of a mosoleum. The way the light colors the walls gives the whole building a feeling of decay, of that of sickness. The royal purple carpet gives the impression of earthly values, undermining anything of spirtual or ethical nature. Or maybe I just dislike my church because ever since I can remeber, I've been drafted by my father to perform every task anyone there might think of. I don't know.
Anyway, after church my sisters and I had chinesse food, then we went home. Fun and exciting life I lead at night. I played some CoH, but nobody was on!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! =(. Except my supergroup, that is. =). Anyway, I'm going to log back on to CoH now, if anyone has any cool javascript I can include in these posts (largely to make me feel I know more about html than I actually do....) feel free to tell me.
After work, I ended up going to church. My parents are on a weird getaway thingy with their friends, so my sisters and I had to usher by ourselve, and none of us really like the job, so it ended up being half asked done. Our pastor forgot his sermon at home, and ended up winging it. Let's just say he got sidetracked, like me in a store full of stuffed animals. I don't really like my church too much. It has this stale feel to it, similar to that of a mosoleum. The way the light colors the walls gives the whole building a feeling of decay, of that of sickness. The royal purple carpet gives the impression of earthly values, undermining anything of spirtual or ethical nature. Or maybe I just dislike my church because ever since I can remeber, I've been drafted by my father to perform every task anyone there might think of. I don't know.
Anyway, after church my sisters and I had chinesse food, then we went home. Fun and exciting life I lead at night. I played some CoH, but nobody was on!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!! =(. Except my supergroup, that is. =). Anyway, I'm going to log back on to CoH now, if anyone has any cool javascript I can include in these posts (largely to make me feel I know more about html than I actually do....) feel free to tell me.
Friday, June 24, 2005
beyond my reach...
Well, yesterday I was with one of my friends and my sisters at the movies, and my friend wants everyone to draw themselves in chibi form. I tired that tonight, and I have relieazed just how much I can't draw. The face was yuck(ya, I know, big word...) and the body just wasn't right. I could draw the hai though.... so if all you saw of my drawing today was the hair...
Another day at albertsons today. All I have left there is tomorrow and monday. I was suppose to do some things with friends tonigt, but after I got off work I kind of collapsed in my bed. I woke up 5 hours later. I wanted to do stuff with my friends, but since I got this weird infection bite thingy on my arm, I've justed wanted to sleep.
For those of you who know I like anime (yay!!! Anime!!!! I <3 anime!!!!!), I've started watching the Excel Saga. That anime is what life is like on crack. I know no other way to describe it.
One of my friend's and I were at the mall last night (should have included this in yesterday's post. I'm sorry I didn't. I was just tired last night. ) and We saw these cute outfits. The outfits were in both blue and orange!!! Those are like my two favorite colors to wear!!! They were a little out of my price range though. (Just a little.... )
Anyway, I'm going to log onto CoH. I haven't played City of Heores in a few days, so I'm going to log on to say hi to everyone. Sorry about this being a short, monochrome post. =(
Another day at albertsons today. All I have left there is tomorrow and monday. I was suppose to do some things with friends tonigt, but after I got off work I kind of collapsed in my bed. I woke up 5 hours later. I wanted to do stuff with my friends, but since I got this weird infection bite thingy on my arm, I've justed wanted to sleep.
For those of you who know I like anime (yay!!! Anime!!!! I <3 anime!!!!!), I've started watching the Excel Saga. That anime is what life is like on crack. I know no other way to describe it.
One of my friend's and I were at the mall last night (should have included this in yesterday's post. I'm sorry I didn't. I was just tired last night. ) and We saw these cute outfits. The outfits were in both blue and orange!!! Those are like my two favorite colors to wear!!! They were a little out of my price range though. (Just a little.... )
Anyway, I'm going to log onto CoH. I haven't played City of Heores in a few days, so I'm going to log on to say hi to everyone. Sorry about this being a short, monochrome post. =(
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Beats expectations
Well, I'm not going to type too much today. Just thought I'd write about my speech class real quick. I can honestly say the class has beaten my expectations. The teacher seems to know what he's talking about. That alone did it...
Well, I got a new Rhapsody CD. It's the only band that I own 4 CDs of. I don't really think you could classify their newest cd as Metal, though. This one they got the italian orchestra to play, so if you like orchestrated music (like I do) then you might like this cd.
Anyway, I am SO tired, so I'm going to get some sleep. Sorry about the short post, and I guess sorry about now being on CoH. Night!
Well, I got a new Rhapsody CD. It's the only band that I own 4 CDs of. I don't really think you could classify their newest cd as Metal, though. This one they got the italian orchestra to play, so if you like orchestrated music (like I do) then you might like this cd.
Anyway, I am SO tired, so I'm going to get some sleep. Sorry about the short post, and I guess sorry about now being on CoH. Night!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
And the last day is!!!
Well, first off, I'd like to apologize for the lack of post yesterday. By the time I got home last night, I was too tired to long onto my computer.
Anyway, I found out when my last day at Albertsons is. It's monday. I can't believe I'm know leaving that store. I've been with the company, in that location, for three full years. I was one of the orginal people who opened that store. It kind of feels like I'm closing a chapter in my life. I also kind of don't want to leave. I'll admit that I am the first person to say how much I hate my job, but I'm still afraid to leave for this new job. At Albertsons, I knew the people their. I knew the standards, and I knew I could perform up to or surpass those standards. But with this new job, as being an IT Assitant, I'm not too sure how I'll fare. I don't know anyone their, I have only a faint idea what will be required of me and how my typical day there will be, and I don't even know what type of enviorment I'll be in their. All I know is that it'll be a "professional" enviroment, and I have seen many definations of that word. I hope my manager at my new job will be as likeable and as lienant as Jason at work. I know I said he could be a sarcastic jerk, but out of the four managers I had at albertsons (at least 4 anyways), he was probally the most likeable and fun to work for. He was also one of the best in the entire company. AND I still have some of his movies... hehe. Ya, I have to give those back some day .
I wonder what I'll learn at the new job. I mean, I learned a lot at albertsons, a lot about produce, a few good tips at how to avoid working (important information there...), how to better comunicate with people, and tons of other things.
At least I don't think about all the negative aspects of changing a job until AFTER I leap...
Well, in other news today, I finally beat civ 3 on warlord difficulty. Yay!!!! Now I can advance to regent, and take forever to get past that! But I do love the civ games. My favorite thing to do in those games is to create a complex domestic infostructure. By the end of the game, my approval rating is 90%, I have every science, I make 200 gold a turn, and I have the military power of a four year old (I know the military thing isn't impressive, but the rest are, right?).
As for city of heroes right now, I'm still level 22. I don't really like creating too many alts on that game, since I like to chat a lot in that game. If I were to create more alts, then I wouldn't have my current supergroup to talk to (the feline fellowship rocks!), and I wouldn't have as many friends to talk to, unless I told every single one of my friends on that game my alt's name and server, than hope that they'd make me their friend on their alt's friend list on that server. I know, that whole global frineds list thing, but still...
Well, I started my new class this semester. I'm now in speech!!! The first day of class, we have a subsitute teacher who tells us our main teacher is not here because of an emergency, and that we need to read the first chapter of our text book (a 55 dollar waste of paper if you ask me, yet it's bound, so it's still better than my economics text book...={ ). Seems to be some great teacher we have, but I wanted to take classes during the summer, and this is what happens.
Well, for those of you who read web comics, this one right here is one of my favorites. It has a transmutation gun, a squirel girl, anime martial arts style, plot line, and a few good jokes in it. I like it anyway.
Well, that's it for today. I'll make sure to post tomorrow. Night all!
Anyway, I found out when my last day at Albertsons is. It's monday. I can't believe I'm know leaving that store. I've been with the company, in that location, for three full years. I was one of the orginal people who opened that store. It kind of feels like I'm closing a chapter in my life. I also kind of don't want to leave. I'll admit that I am the first person to say how much I hate my job, but I'm still afraid to leave for this new job. At Albertsons, I knew the people their. I knew the standards, and I knew I could perform up to or surpass those standards. But with this new job, as being an IT Assitant, I'm not too sure how I'll fare. I don't know anyone their, I have only a faint idea what will be required of me and how my typical day there will be, and I don't even know what type of enviorment I'll be in their. All I know is that it'll be a "professional" enviroment, and I have seen many definations of that word. I hope my manager at my new job will be as likeable and as lienant as Jason at work. I know I said he could be a sarcastic jerk, but out of the four managers I had at albertsons (at least 4 anyways), he was probally the most likeable and fun to work for. He was also one of the best in the entire company. AND I still have some of his movies... hehe. Ya, I have to give those back some day .
I wonder what I'll learn at the new job. I mean, I learned a lot at albertsons, a lot about produce, a few good tips at how to avoid working (important information there...), how to better comunicate with people, and tons of other things.
At least I don't think about all the negative aspects of changing a job until AFTER I leap...
Well, in other news today, I finally beat civ 3 on warlord difficulty. Yay!!!! Now I can advance to regent, and take forever to get past that! But I do love the civ games. My favorite thing to do in those games is to create a complex domestic infostructure. By the end of the game, my approval rating is 90%, I have every science, I make 200 gold a turn, and I have the military power of a four year old (I know the military thing isn't impressive, but the rest are, right?).
As for city of heroes right now, I'm still level 22. I don't really like creating too many alts on that game, since I like to chat a lot in that game. If I were to create more alts, then I wouldn't have my current supergroup to talk to (the feline fellowship rocks!), and I wouldn't have as many friends to talk to, unless I told every single one of my friends on that game my alt's name and server, than hope that they'd make me their friend on their alt's friend list on that server. I know, that whole global frineds list thing, but still...
Well, I started my new class this semester. I'm now in speech!!! The first day of class, we have a subsitute teacher who tells us our main teacher is not here because of an emergency, and that we need to read the first chapter of our text book (a 55 dollar waste of paper if you ask me, yet it's bound, so it's still better than my economics text book...={ ). Seems to be some great teacher we have, but I wanted to take classes during the summer, and this is what happens.
Well, for those of you who read web comics, this one right here is one of my favorites. It has a transmutation gun, a squirel girl, anime martial arts style, plot line, and a few good jokes in it. I like it anyway.
Well, that's it for today. I'll make sure to post tomorrow. Night all!
Monday, June 20, 2005
End of Summer A
Sorry if I worried anyone with that last post. I get that way sometimes. Probally more often than is healthy. I'd like to say I'm only that way once or twice a month, or even once or twice a week, but it's probally more likely once a day. It's still better than how I was back in high school.
Anyway, today was another eventful day at Albertsons. I can't wait until the 29th gets here. That's my last day there =). On the 30th, I start my internship as an IT Assitant for a local insurance company. I believe they insure buissnesses, not homes or automobiles, as their primary customers. I only worry that I know enough about computers so as not to dissapoint them. I don't want to skrew up this job. Not because it would result in me going back to Albertsons (well, to be honest, partially) but because it would say that the one area I'm good at and know (computers), what I have isn't enough. I don't want to fail again in life.
Anyway, even though my manager at work knows I'll be gone soon, he still let me borrow a few of his videos. The videos he let me borrow are Clerks and Army of Darkness, which I herd from his girlfriend as a very funny movie. I look foreward to seeing it.
No color change for this section... =( stupid lack of colors. Anyway, today was the last day for my summer A course in Macroeconomics. It was an intresting course, and by the end of the term (today), I was actually using economicterms in normal conversation! It scared me! The phrase Appreciate in value should never be used in normal conversation!
I got this weird insect bite on my arm the other day. My mom dragged me to see the doctor's yesterday about. He didn't know what bit me, but now I'm on some weird antibiotic.(If I didn't spell that write, please tell me.) On my arm, where the bite is, is a ring of whiteish yellowish stuff, sorunded by a ring of pink about this this color , which it's size is similar to a quater's. Sorunding the ring of pink is a light red that almost blends in with my skin that's about 6 inches in diamater. In short, when ever I use that arm (and sometimes not using the arm), it hurts =(. So you all need to be thankful that I'm using this arm to type of the web blog!!! (Ok, fine. Don't be thankful. I'll still type anyways.)
Anyways, I think I typed enough. Besides, my Sid Meir's addicition is starting to kick up again, and Civ 3 looks so enjoyable.... =)
Anyway, today was another eventful day at Albertsons. I can't wait until the 29th gets here. That's my last day there =). On the 30th, I start my internship as an IT Assitant for a local insurance company. I believe they insure buissnesses, not homes or automobiles, as their primary customers. I only worry that I know enough about computers so as not to dissapoint them. I don't want to skrew up this job. Not because it would result in me going back to Albertsons (well, to be honest, partially) but because it would say that the one area I'm good at and know (computers), what I have isn't enough. I don't want to fail again in life.
Anyway, even though my manager at work knows I'll be gone soon, he still let me borrow a few of his videos. The videos he let me borrow are Clerks and Army of Darkness, which I herd from his girlfriend as a very funny movie. I look foreward to seeing it.
No color change for this section... =( stupid lack of colors. Anyway, today was the last day for my summer A course in Macroeconomics. It was an intresting course, and by the end of the term (today), I was actually using economicterms in normal conversation! It scared me! The phrase Appreciate in value should never be used in normal conversation!
I got this weird insect bite on my arm the other day. My mom dragged me to see the doctor's yesterday about. He didn't know what bit me, but now I'm on some weird antibiotic.(If I didn't spell that write, please tell me.) On my arm, where the bite is, is a ring of whiteish yellowish stuff, sorunded by a ring of pink about this this color , which it's size is similar to a quater's. Sorunding the ring of pink is a light red that almost blends in with my skin that's about 6 inches in diamater. In short, when ever I use that arm (and sometimes not using the arm), it hurts =(. So you all need to be thankful that I'm using this arm to type of the web blog!!! (Ok, fine. Don't be thankful. I'll still type anyways.)
Anyways, I think I typed enough. Besides, my Sid Meir's addicition is starting to kick up again, and Civ 3 looks so enjoyable.... =)
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Downward spiral
Well, today hasn't been the best day... not for anything that happened, but right now I wouldn't consider my self mentally stable. I don't really want to see tomorrow. But I don't want to die... I don't want to disslove into nothingness... yet... I don't care. Isn't that the conflict, though? Between duty and freedom? Duty to others to be there for them, yet the freedom to leave everything. And all it would take is a flick of a knife... no. I won't. I won't I WON'T. I don't even know if I should post it. Not that anyone reads it. I'm way too damn cynical. This is my corner of the world, my small space on the web, and I guess I'll type what I want to. I'll pay the consquences later. But it doesn't really matter anyway. Some days, I wish that when I go to sleep at night, that I won't wake up in the morning, and not a day goes by that I don't think about numerous grousome deathes for myself. I don't want to think about that, though, and sometimes I think about enacting them just to stop thinking about it. I hate thinking about suicide. hate hate hate. I guess that's a good thing. If I had more courage, or more faith, I don't know if I'd be typing here. I just get so.... I wish I could let myself go and cry. Still, depression isn't the worse emotion. I would mucj rather be depresses than angry. I hate being angry. I hate hating. I don't want anyone in my family to see this. I don't want them to worryabout me. I don't want people to worry about me. They could spend their time doing better things if they didn't spend their time worring about me. I don't have the courage to... I'm a corward. I don't want people to be in pain over me. I'm changing the text to black. I'm still going to post this, but I.... I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Maybe I should.
Maybe I shouldn't
Maybe I should.
Maybe I shouldn't
Maybe
Does it matter? I can't change anything, including myself, anyway. I hate myself. Hate Hate Hate HATE! Maybe I shouldn't be posting.
I don't want to die. I won't. I won't.
Besides, it's not like I'll find anyone. No matter what I do, I'm going to end up alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't!. That's my future. An empty appartment, a dead end job, no family. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to. There's nothing I can do. I don't want to see that future... but I don't want to do the one thing that'll ensure I don't have that future. I want some one, but who would want me? I have to go. This has been enough ravings.
Maybe I shouldn't
Maybe I should.
Maybe I shouldn't
Maybe
Does it matter? I can't change anything, including myself, anyway. I hate myself. Hate Hate Hate HATE! Maybe I shouldn't be posting.
I don't want to die. I won't. I won't.
Besides, it's not like I'll find anyone. No matter what I do, I'm going to end up alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't!. That's my future. An empty appartment, a dead end job, no family. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to. There's nothing I can do. I don't want to see that future... but I don't want to do the one thing that'll ensure I don't have that future. I want some one, but who would want me? I have to go. This has been enough ravings.
More Albertsons fun...
Well, another day at albertsons...
Not much to say about albertsons, except I had to work with David. Now David is one of those employees who isn't all there in the head. He stabs boxes with his knife, and he goes off on these weird conversations about stuff that only he wants to talk about. My manager and I try to stay as far away from him as possible. Right now, he's probally the creepiest person in the store.
Anyway, after work I should have went to church.... except I ended up falling to sleep for an hour. It's not that I didn't want to go to church.
I do not like my church, and I'm not a big fan of christianity in general, but I do admire those people who have the amount of faith needed to know something is there that they have no proof in. Those people, at least the ones I know who have REAL faith, live a good, christian life. Christianity itself is not a bad reliogion, and I admire any person who has the faith to follow it, it's just that I can not believe in a good, loving, supream god. There is also a lot of things in the Bible, too many for me to list right now, that I can not agree with. Personly, I can't believe in a pure good God. That's one of the reasons I believe in Wicca more than Christianity, I guess, because the God and Goddess of Wicca is neutral.
I mean, the part of me that is Christian wants me to believe that God is a close, loving God. That part of me wants to believe that everything is nice, and happy, and there is some plan for the universe, some overall thing. But.... No. I mean I can not.... I just can't accept that concept of the universe.
Anyway, I have to get going, my sister wants to go to wall mart.... I'll probally continue my rantings later tonight... two posts in one day! Later.
Not much to say about albertsons, except I had to work with David. Now David is one of those employees who isn't all there in the head. He stabs boxes with his knife, and he goes off on these weird conversations about stuff that only he wants to talk about. My manager and I try to stay as far away from him as possible. Right now, he's probally the creepiest person in the store.
Anyway, after work I should have went to church.... except I ended up falling to sleep for an hour. It's not that I didn't want to go to church.
I do not like my church, and I'm not a big fan of christianity in general, but I do admire those people who have the amount of faith needed to know something is there that they have no proof in. Those people, at least the ones I know who have REAL faith, live a good, christian life. Christianity itself is not a bad reliogion, and I admire any person who has the faith to follow it, it's just that I can not believe in a good, loving, supream god. There is also a lot of things in the Bible, too many for me to list right now, that I can not agree with. Personly, I can't believe in a pure good God. That's one of the reasons I believe in Wicca more than Christianity, I guess, because the God and Goddess of Wicca is neutral.
I mean, the part of me that is Christian wants me to believe that God is a close, loving God. That part of me wants to believe that everything is nice, and happy, and there is some plan for the universe, some overall thing. But.... No. I mean I can not.... I just can't accept that concept of the universe.
Anyway, I have to get going, my sister wants to go to wall mart.... I'll probally continue my rantings later tonight... two posts in one day! Later.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Another day at Albertsons...
Well, today so far has been another typical day. I woke up and went to work (stupid morning shifts 7 AM stuff. The day shouldn't start till some time around noon.) There, my boss and I threw a truck (by throw I mean we took all the stuff out of the truck, and either placed it on the shelves or put it in back stock.)
With in the next month, my best friend should be graduatting from boot camp. When he does, I plan on taking time off from work and school to see him. I haven't seen him since he left back in May, and I miss him.... very much.
Anyway, I have to get going. Can't keep my friends waiting any longer, now can I?
How to describe my boss? Well, he's a nice person, and a hard worker, but sometimes he can be a very sarcastic jerk. Some of his comments, although he says them for fun and doesn't mean them, really shouldn't be said. I mean, his comments sometimes gets on everyone's nerve.
Anyway, while we were throwing the truck, because of the excellent stacking job the warehouse does, two stacks (piled 8 feet high) of blueberries and strawberries come crashing down to the ground, spilling their contents all over the floor. Luckily, the truck was earlier, so we had some spare time to clean the mess up.
Never Ask A Grocery Store Clerk On Their Opion Of The Warehouse.
Anyway, I just recently got off work, and later tongight I plan to hang out with one of my friends. We'll probally just hang out or something, and I probally won't get home untill midnight... which will be the perfect time to get some sleep for tomorrow's morning shift! Fun...
Oh ya, yesterday, after I posted the Blog, I picked up three new anime volumes.... the last two episode volume thingies for Evangellion, and Blood the last Vampire. Also, I coded some more of this program I wrote.... yay!! Coding!!! Yay!!! Staring at the monitor until my eyes bleed!!!! I enjoy coding, but it's something best left in small doses. Not multihour long blocks. Of course, when I finish programing the game, ask me and leave your email address, and you'll get the only game still made with duct tape, spagetii (did I spell that write?) code, and random keyboard hitting.
With in the next month, my best friend should be graduatting from boot camp. When he does, I plan on taking time off from work and school to see him. I haven't seen him since he left back in May, and I miss him.... very much.
Anyway, I have to get going. Can't keep my friends waiting any longer, now can I?
Thursday, June 16, 2005
First Post
Well, this is my first post on this blog. Now I get to tell strangers who I'll never meet all kinds of stuff about my life.
Yay!!! I can use HTML Code!!!!!! =).
Anyway, now time to tell people about my life.
Well, I'm 19 and currently employed at Albertsons, though I'm about to get a new job as an IT Assistant at a local insurance company. I am currently enrolled at my local community college, and am planning to eventually get a BA in computer science. MY grades are doing better then I would have thought possible, and right at the moment, life for once seems good.
Yay!!! I can use HTML Code!!!!!! =).
Anyway, now time to tell people about my life.
Well, I'm 19 and currently employed at Albertsons, though I'm about to get a new job as an IT Assistant at a local insurance company. I am currently enrolled at my local community college, and am planning to eventually get a BA in computer science. MY grades are doing better then I would have thought possible, and right at the moment, life for once seems good.
Eventually, after I get my BA in computer science, I plan on gettting a PhD in psychology by taking night classes. Anything involving that subject always intrestes me, so if anyone has any psychological information, perfebly on abnormal psychology, feel free to try to contact me about it........ not that anyone is actually reading this.
I sound so hopefull....
Outside of Albertsons, I also work a second job as the computer lab assistant at my local community college. I have a lot of free time as a computer lab assitant, so it'll probally be here (I'm doing it right now) that I'll update this blog at.
In case anyone is wondering, yes I'm a catgirl fan and yes I think they are super cute. I'm a big cat fan...........
Anyway, I should be logging off. I think I gave the world enough to read for one day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)